Bodour: Full Moon(s)

I apologize my dear readers as for the past week I was completely out of touch due to the unfortunate passing away of my habibti grandmother Bodour - May her soul rest in peace-. She was a strong woman who fought to raise her children all by herself in this cruel, cruel world.

I would like to take this chance to thank each and everyone of you who supported me with their kind words and hugs through out the past week. 

With the loss of every person close to my heart, I try to confront my disbelieves and find true comfort  in the words I write. This time, I'm going to share a note that I've written more than two years ago on the loss of Sima -May her soul rest in peace-, a lively friend I met at the American University of Sharjah .

Since I was a little girl, I was always taught that as there is a beginning there is an end to everything and everyone. They've always 

spoken of death as something unpredictable and unavoidable…Something that will eventually has its hands on you.

Of course, I am here not to object on death. But I wonder, why is there a book on how to peel a banana in three steps and not one sentence to guide us through the loss of a beloved one!! Yes, I’m someone who can never understand the concept of death. I want to be in comfort with death. I see people around me repeating words like: “it’s ok, this is God’s will.” But why do I, a strong believer (I would like to believe), still tremble whenever death is ‘around’? Why am I, up until this day, still not OK with losing a beloved someone…a friend..a teacher...a grandma..a cousin…an uncle…?

‘They’ say it gets easier with time. That 'soon' you'll cope with the non-existence of that person anymore.

Is it only me, or this does not make any sense what so ever? I’ve finally come to the conclusion that by saying this, we try to comfort the little voice inside of us saying that no, it’s not ok…You just lost someone so dear to you and it’s ok if you cry and curse. But we want that voice to go away because truth, truth just hurts. And so, we look around for the other people in grief and try to help them with the ‘wise’ words we’ve been taught through out our lives.

But at the end of the day, we cannot help but think of the loved ones we lost and sob in tears...

Allah, please grant me the strength that I terribly lack and need.

May Allah protect all the loved ones in my life and yours. 

Reading this today I see that my perspective on death has only slightly changed. Like any other person, I still dislike the concept of losing the sight and voice of someone you love but I accept now that people like 'tayta Bodour' deserves another chance to live happier days with people she once  talked fondly of...

I pray your safe and happy wherever you are tayta, surrounded by the people that brings you comfort... Such comfort that you've always managed to give your children and people surrounding you. 

M.C.

Unleash the Politician!

Politics is everywhere. No, I'm not talking about the sort we watch on T.V., read on newspapers, check online or so, I'm talking about the type concerned with 'personal politics'. The kind of politics that handles day to day situations between family members, friends, acquaintances, work, etc. 

In the past couple of months, I've been going through many changes on all levels. Trying to figure out ways to get through my days with minimal head and heart aches but unfortunately sometimes, at some occasions, I fail miserably. This practically happens when I misunderstand people or mostly be misunderstood, which brings me to my biggest concern: why do we lack transparency in our daily transactions? Why is it that most of us perceive transparency the wrong way? And why is transparency in communication is mostly associated with negative thoughts and feelings? Many questions left me sleepless last night trying to find the best solutions and answers. Hours later the answer was flashing on my forehead: politics. You got to deal with things the way any politician would deal with his or her daily situations.

After I congratulated and patted myself on the shoulder for the epiphany moment I went through, another question popped up, now what? What shall I do in order to make my life and others' lives easier? Do I just play it like I'm expected do?... Needless to say, I did not like this approach so I tried to shift my thoughts towards something else. I took deep breathes, tried to focus, really focus on what do I want and realized that I cannot expect others to understand me as I am if I don't. I can't expect them to accept my transparency if I don't. So here you go: I hereby confess that sometimes (ok maybe most of the time) I don't accept transparency directed to me the way I should and that's mainly because I expect people to be transparent the way I know and understand what transparency is. 

So from now on, I will - not only try - be as accepting to others words and actions towards me as much as I want them to react to my words and actions. If I can do it, trust me you can! Let's all pull out the good politicians within us and create an understating atmosphere!

M.C.